Engagement Season Q & A: How NOT to be a bridezilla

In February, at the start of the In Every Season series, I started with posts focused on singleness and how non-single gals can support, love, and encourage them (See the singleness posts HERE). I want to shift the focus a bit this month on the engaged gals. (Don't worry, there will be more posts on singleness eventually).

Recently, I asked a few engaged Christian gals if they had any questions they'd like to ask Christian married women about either the engagement season or being newlyweds. I received eleven questions and a lot of  married gals from The Peony Project, an online community of Christian women bloggers, were excited to respond to questions! It was very encouraging to see so many married women who wanted to encourage and support engaged women they don't even kno.

There were a lot of responses for each question (which is awesome!!), so I will limit each post to 1-2 questions so that the post does not go on and on and on (though it would certainly be filled with great info, because these ladies brought a lot of wisdom!). 

Today, I will share the responses for the first question...

 How to find a balance between having your perfect wedding day and not becoming a bridezilla?

 “I think it’s essential, even in the wedding planning process, to keep asking yourself if what you’re planning will honor God, have eternal value or any significance beyond the wedding day. This makes it easy to say no to stressing over things that don’t really matter in the big scheme of things and if your focus is on Him, you’ll steer clear of those bridezilla-like behaviors.” 

- Anrita Elmore, Married 22 years. Find her at: TheMamaZone.com, Twitter.com/Anitra,  Facebook.com/TheMamaZone

"For me, this wasn’t honestly much of a struggle.  I’m a pretty simple kind of girl, and have always had pretty manageable expectations for my wedding day.  If there are a couple things that are crucial to you, establish those early on… if you need to do some negotiating with your fiancé, do that.  Then you’ll know what of your budget (if any) needs to be set aside to make those things happen, and can build the rest of the plans accordingly… like, if it is critical to you that you get married on, say, your great-grandmother’s birthday, establish that, then find a church and venue.  If the venue is more important, go with that first and take the dates they offer.  If you’re willing to sacrifice having a string quartet so that you can have the bespoke gown of your dreams, establish that early and stick with it. I think when it comes down to it, there will only be one or two things that you feel you HAVE to have to make your wedding feel “right.”  And, as long as the day ends with you married to the man you love… everything else is gravy :-) "

- Katie Hodge, married 6.5 years; Blog: www.alwayskatie.com

"Ah. This is a good question. I think the most important thing is to foster the right perspective when it comes to wedding planning. Step one? Your wedding day will not be perfect. During the ceremony, your sisters could accidentally sing the wrong line of the hymn and confuse the heck out of the congregation who are singing along. You may just put the ring on his right hand instead of his left. Your grandpa may very well lead a rousing sing-along-rendition of “God Bless America.” (Patriotic? Yes. Romantic and wedding-appropriate? No.) Not that any of that happened to me or anything. Ahem.

The purpose of your wedding is not to have a perfect day. It’s to commemorate the joining of two souls before God. That’s the important part. When you keep your focus on that, your attitude will shift, and you’ll avoid being a terrible, awful person while you wedding plan.

I actually wrote a whole series centered around making your engagement an intentional time of growth—you can see it here. http://www.thespeckledgoatblog.com/p/an-intentional-engagement-series-about.html "

- Ally, blogs at The Speckled Goat Blog (www.thespeckledgoatblog.com); married 4 years

"It’s all about remembering why you’re having this day in the first place. Your wedding day is the day you unite with your husband, in front of God & your family, to go from two unique individuals, to one unbreakable entity. Nothing else should matter. So when the DJ plays the one song you told him not to play, or your relatives have a little too much to drink, or the programs don’t get passed out in time…when you’re looking back on this day 25 years from now you will only remember who came, if you enjoyed yourself, and all those moments that “went wrong” will be funny….I promise."

- Alicia Murphy, married 4.5 years, www.theamgrindonline.com

"As a professional wedding planner, I completely understand this concern! So many brides come to me with a million questions and feel like they are already becoming a bridezilla. The truth is, you’re not a bridezilla just because you have concerns about items coming up in your wedding planning checklist that you don’t know how to venture forward with. Take a deep breath and look at your fiancé for just a few moments. Remember why you love them so much and what about them makes you so excited to marry them. Obviously I’m partial on this one, but I highly suggest hiring a Day-Of Wedding Coordinator to be the “manager” of your wedding day. Your wedding is about you and your fiancé, not about the fine details of the cake. It’s worth the investment to hire someone to worry about that for you so you can be totally focused on the love of your life on the best day ever.

- Mandy Billings, Owner/Head Coordinator of Timeless Wedding Designs

Website: www.TimelessWeddingDesigns.com

Facebook: www.Facebook.com/TimelessWeddingDesigns

Instagram: www.Instagram.com/TimelessWeddingDesigns

Pinterest: www.Pinterest.com/TimelessWD

"I would suggest having a list of the things that are most important to you, for me that was: venue, dress, and food. Make your chosen items your priority and double check those frequently, they get to be your “I get my way” items ;) Everything else, although still important, you can be a little more lenient about being absolutely perfect. Know ahead of time, nothing will go exactly as the picture in your head, but you’re marrying the man that is perfect for you. When the day comes, and you have your most important wishes planned well, and you see the perfect groom, it will all become the wedding you wanted all along, you just didn't know it yet!

- Jennifer Panehal- Pelayo, 11 years together with husband (5 years married). Blog: www.flowertowncharm.com 

"As I was getting into my wedding dress on my wedding day, my Maid of Honor picked up the bottom of it to "poof" it out but when she did, I had already started to bend down to pick something up and so my dress and my lipstick met.  My dress was champagne colored silk.  My lipstick was maroon.  Need I say more?  When I stood up there was a perfect lipstick impression (upside down) on the front of my dress right before we were to start the ceremony.  I had two choices, freak out or stay calm.  I chose to stay calm because if we couldn't fix it, there was nothing I could do anyway.  Experts say you can't get silk wet, but we went ahead and got some soap and water and started scrubbing.  Eventually it came out and we dried it with a hairdryer. Minutes later I walked down the aisle and no one had a clue as to what had just happened.  My Maid of Honor and I still laugh about it all today.  Stay calm and enjoy every moment of this day.  In the end, you'll look back and laugh at the things that went wrong."

- Kimberly Bradley, married 7 years. Blogs at The Narrow Lens (www.thenarrowlens.com)

"Every girl dreams of her perfect wedding day from childhood! We fantasize about the beautiful gown, walking down the aisle arm in arm with our father and riding off into the sunset to live happily ever after with our prince charming. This is all great BUT keep in mind the most important part of the day is that you are becoming one and forever connected by covenant to the love of your life. What truly matters is your marriage! Work to spend more time preparing for the marriage than the wedding. The wedding will last a few hours but the marriage (Lord willing) will last several decades! Just know that even if your flowers arrive wilted or your wedding videographer loses all the footage (this really happened to me!) you have the choice to always look back fondly at your wedding day because it is the day you committed to live your life with your prince charming."

-Tiffany Brooks Currie, blogs at www.pinkfaithtoday.blogspot.com 

Stay tuned for the next question tomorrow!