12 Ways I Recharge as an Introvert Mom

Breakfast in Bed by Mary Cassatt (1897)

 Motherhood is incredibly sanctifying; I am daily reminded of my inability to conjure up enough patience, love, energy, and everything else I need to mother my children well. Only by God's strength and nearness to me can I be the mom my kids need me to be, and even then it's still tough since we live in a fallen world marred by sin and its consequences and I often trip over my own sins over and over. As an introvert who gets mentally and emotionally exhausted from being around people and noise, including my own children, I am keenly aware of my weaknesses and my need for God's help. I can easily resort to barking orders in a mean tone and being unforgiving if I am not mothering from a place of rest and fulfillment in Christ. My body responds to being overstimulated by constant noise and I am often triggered by daily occurrences such as whining. My heart rate and breathing will increase and I'll eventually shut-down emotionally, feeling like a zombie in my home, praying bedtime (and a little quiet) will come sooner than is possible. 

The challenges of motherhood remind me of my humanity; my limitations and weaknesses. My energy is definitely not eternal, I can't be in two places at once, and my patience is absolutely not perfect. I fail over and over. 

“To be forced to work, to be tied down with duties, to have to get up early, to have little time to call your own, to be burdened with the responsibility of children and the demands of debts and mortgages, to go to bed exhausted after a working day is to be in touch with our humanity.”  (Ronald Rolheiser, Domestic Monestary)

I'm often running on empty or at least on half empty, so I have needed practical and consistent boundaries in my schedule to help me fill my cup back up and be available for my family. Over the last (almost) five years of being a mother, I have been growing in self-awareness of what is "self-care" for me.  I have absolutely no judgement for how other moms view self-care or what they do to recharge. But for me, getting my nails done (though it's fun once in a while), won't do it. Nor will shopping or girls nights (though they're fun once in a while as well). I come back from these outings still needing refreshment. 

Here are some of the boundaries and routines that I have put in place to help me carve out time for me to recharge as an introvert mom. Many more social, extroverted moms will not need as much time as I do to calm my emotions and feel replenished, and that is fine. I no longer see my personality as a flaw that needs to change.This is how God has created me and is still working on me, despite my weaknesses. They have been a way to push me back to Him, so as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10, 

"Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Wherefore I take pleasure in weaknesses, in injuries, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

However, I must add that sometimes I cannot get the quiet, alone time I desperately need. Someone's sick, my husband can't find time in his work schedule for me to leave for a few hours, or other reasons may delay my ability to sneak away for a few hours. I have to readjust my expectation for that day rather than bitterly blame everyone in the house for me not getting what I think I deserve. I must lean even closer to the Father for help when I am running on empty and trust that He is sufficient for me in my present weakness. So the inability to do some of the things below do not excuse my own sinful responses like quickly getting angry and disciplining out of that anger, passive aggressive and self-pitying statements about how tired I am to make everyone feel sorry for me, etc. 

I must also add: This is most definitely NOT a to-do list to mirror. These strategies and routines help me. Hopefully exhausted mamas can find something helpful to try or this list can inspire them to evaluate what would be filling to their own cup, but please do not assume this is a cure-all or that I am saying I have the key to feeling rested and recharged as a mom. These change from season to season, looking different depending on what is realistic in the home. 

Ways I Recharge as an Introverted Mom

1. I wake up before the kids for my morning quiet time

I don't ever set alarms anymore because for many years my body has been naturally waking up around 5:30am every morning. It used to annoy me since I would often need the extra sleep after a night full of a baby waking to be nursed, but I learned to stop fighting it and being frustrated by it, and just roll with it. It's quiet in the home, I usually feel refreshed and clear-headed, and can focus better than any other part of the day, so it is mainly dedicated to reading and studying my Bible. It has become the best way to stay consistent in reading my Bible, which is the first thing I do every morning. I am currently going through the Bible in a year using the Bible Recap with  Tara-Leigh Cobble. I listen to the several chapters using the Bible app, often times while doing my stretches for my various body pain and sciatica, then I open my physical Bible and my physical copy of the Bible Recap that has the podcast transcripts written down. I listen to that day's podcast episode (around eight minutes), stopping to find things in my Bible she is referring to from that day's reading, writing down notes in my Bible, which is a journaling Bible that has space in the margins for writing, and whenever I am starting a new book of the Bible, I am also listening to the Bible Project's summary of that book and writing down the outline of the book in my Bible so I can more easily see themes and the overall structure and purpose of that book. It usually lasts between 30-45 minutes and I have been learning a lot even though the quick pace has taken time to get used to. I started this plan in January and hope to have the whole Bible read by the end of the year. In previous years, I prefer to do an inductive Bible study of one book of the Bible, where I am slowly reading (and re-reading) the same book, diving deep for weeks or months. Other times I will use either physical or online Bible studies, so it has varied over the years how I study the Bible, but the morning time has been the most consistent. I am too exhausted at night to really focus and retain anything and trying to squeeze it in while the kids are awake is too hard since I get so distracted and interrupted that I cannot focus enough to retain anything either. 

After my Bible time, I will use this quiet time in the morning for other things that are restorative and help prepare me for the day. I pray about the Scripture I just read as well as for the upcoming day. I have prayer cards with prayer prompts for my children and husband I try to use every morning to pray for them. I often will listen to classical music (I recently finished The Year of Wonder, a book which has 365 days of classical pieces paired with a short essay for each day about that music piece), work on a blog post, journal, and look at my planner for the day. I never have time for all of these (particularly the blog post and journaling), but try to make time for these rather than being on my phone. Then, around 6:45, I will start getting breakfast ready since my son wakes up by 7am and we have breakfast shortly after once my daughter wakes up around 7:30am. If he wakes up before 7am, he has a clock that turns green at 7am, so he knows he is expected to stay in his room until the light turns green at 7am. He will often come to me in the reading room to say good morning and cuddle for a few minutes. I will show him what I am working on for quiet time, then I will walk him back to his room and he'll listen to books read aloud to him (our library has a ton of WonderBooks and Vox books that have voice boxes attached to the covers so the book is read aloud, which are great for his quiet time. He also has legos, crayons and paper, and a ton of other things in his room, so he can stay busy until 7am when he is allowed to come out. We had to work on this habit for months when he was younger, but it has been such a blessing to me now that it's not a struggle for him to stay in his room if he happens to wake up before 7am. I explain that I need my quiet time in the morning and am working on something important and will be available by 7am. I think it has been helpful for him to see the world doesn't revolve around his every whim and that while I often am interrupted during the day and need to help him with various things, there are very few emergencies before 7am that need my immediate attention and he can entertain himself until 7am (he often wakes up between 6:30-6:45, so he's not in there for too long).

2. Afternoon Quiet Time 

Ever since my firstborn was a baby, the afternoon quiet time between 1-3:30 were crucial to me to recharge midday. Now with two kids, it's even more needed. My daughter still naps, so she goes down around 1pm. My son has thirty minutes to quietly play while I clean up our lunch (which happens between 12-1pm), then we do a thirty-minute reading lesson together, and he's in his room for quiet time (he doesn't nap anymore at nearly five years old) from 2-3:30. Luckily my daughter usually sleeps until around 3:30, so that's a good end time for quiet time. If she wakes up earlier, she stays in her crib and very rarely seems to mind just hanging out in there for a little while. My son has lots of things to quietly entertain himself, as mentioned above if he wakes up before 7am, and he will often get really creative during this time, building things with legos or magna-tiles, drawing, playing with his train set, having stories read to him, and doing lots of puzzles. He needs this quiet time as much as I do. For me, this is the best time for me to tackle weekly cleaning responsibilities. We have a robot vacuum we usually run Monday or Tuesday evenings, so the next day at the afternoon quiet time, I will mop the house (except the kids rooms, which I do once they're awake). I do laundry throughout the day every day when it works for my schedule, but will often use this time for laundry as well. I clean the bathrooms on Thursdays and do monthly cleaning (like dusting, cleaning the dishwasher, etc) on Fridays or Saturdays. Sundays are no-clean and no-laundry days since they are my Sabbath, so it's a nice break. I like listening to podcasts or audiobooks while cleaning, which makes it a lot more pleasant. I also try to use this time for some meal prep if needed for dinner (like chopping veggies that can sit out for a few hours). And I try to save around fifteen minutes for reading a physical book and resting. I have noticed recently that I have been trying to get too much done during this time block and not feeling very rested, so I am trying to make adjustments.

3. Afternoon tea time

Once the kids wake up from nap (toddler) or finish quiet time (preschooler), we have tea time between 3:30-4pm. This is restorative to me because I get to choose what we are doing during this time. I loop through "beauty subjects", focusing on one of these subjects per day: poetry (HERE are my favorites),  classical music piece (we often read our beloved The Story Orchestra books, that have music buttons to press), admire and chat about a beautiful word piece, and talk about manners or virtues after reading a story or poem about it, and read a fairy tale. These are each on different days of the week (poetry is usually on Tuesdays and Thursdays, while Fridays are for fairy tales). I love the conversations we have over a sweet treat and caffeine-free tea or hot cocoa. The kids are well-rested, happy, and it's just a peaceful and sweet time to connect and enjoy something beautiful together. HERE is how tea time looked like when my oldest was around three and we only did it on Tuesdays. Now we do it daily, while weekends are usually a quick snack and random picture book rather than more structured like the rest of the week.

4. Limit social outings and guard our schedule

I typically will only schedule one play date a week with friends who have kids. We have other things happening the rest of the week, including our YMCA day and I like to set aside two weekdays when we stay home and can bike or drive to a nearby playground or library. Whenever I have more than one social outing where there are lots of kids, it's very exhausting and by the end of the week. I enjoy the company of the mamas and their children so much more when I am not pushing myself to meet with too many of them during the week. And then I have reserve in my emotional tank to still be available for my own family the rest of the week, which is the priority. I also try to be very careful with how busy our schedule is overall. I try to have 2-3 days when we don't have any plans during the week so we can have plenty of free play at home, go for a bike ride to a park, or play in the backyard. I'll only schedule one big outing that requires 20-30 minutes of driving per week (this is usually to places we have annual memberships to, such as the local children's museum, zoo, botanical gardens, or water park).  This helps prevent me from becoming overstimulated from busyness, which is physically, emotionally, and mentally draining for me. We sometimes miss out on fun stuff, but we have plenty of time when we are on fun adventures and see friends, so the kids are definitely not hurting from these boundaries. 

5. Solo coffee date 1-2 times a month

My husband and I each have at least one (preferably two) weekends a month where we alternate leaving alone to a nearby coffee shop for 2-3 hours. It usually starts around 1pm when our youngest starts her nap and continues until a bit after they either wake up or end quiet time.  We do our "deep work"( in Cal Newport's language) during this time; the work that is difficult to do with multiple interruptions; the work that is focused for a long period where the juices flow and where there is creativity and productivity. For me, I will bring books, a journal, maybe an embroidery project, or some homeschool planning to work on. I enjoy a delicious drink and snack while relishing in the quiet. I am confident that the kids and my husband are doing great together and benefit from their time to connect without me, so I never feel selfish for leaving. We try to schedule this at least a week in advance so that we can make sure we each get the time that month, but sometimes, my husband will perceptively and graciously encourage me to take a solo break for the upcoming weekend when he notices I am getting emotionally exhausted. This alone time not only benefits ourselves, but we come back refreshed and ready to pour into our family, so it serves them just as much. 

6.  Utilizing our local YMCA

We have a YMCA across the road from our neighborhood and have a great discount from my husband's job, so we have been members for several years. I usually allocate Tuesdays for my YMCA day when I drop the kids off at Child Watch and I work out nearby in the gym or go on a jog on the wooded trail connecting to the YMCA property. I shower afterwards and often have 15-30 minutes leftover to read or work on something off my to-do list that I can easily do off my phone. When I pick up the kids, the post-workout endorphins are soaring along with the alone time, so we are all excited to see each other and go home for lunch. When the weather is cool enough, we will sometimes have a picnic lunch prepared after the YMCA and walk over to the playground at the trailhead. We have also used our YMCA for Parent Night Out events when the kids watch a movie and play for three hours while we go out for a date. We trust the staff, who are consistent and answer questions and concerns, so we feel the kids are safe while we are gone. 

7. Go to sleep before 10pm

Generally, the kids go down by 8pm and my husband and I head to bed soon after. I try not to do any computer or phone work at night so that it won't affect my sleep. I will finish any laundry or quick clean-up and then start my bedtime routine. I like to read in bed for 15-30 minutes and/or my husband and I will chat about the day. Lights are off between 9:30-10pm. Since I wake up pretty early, I need to get to bed at a reasonable time so I can get enough sleep. This has been very helpful to remind myself whatever didn't get done that day can wait; I won't stay up late trying to catch up. 

8.Social Media Boundaries

If I don't have boundaries on my social media intake, it can definitely be a distraction that is just not worth it. So I try to only be on Facebook and Instagram on Mondays. I will try to catch up with posts from friends, knowing I have missed a lot (especially in Stories, which disappear after an a day or two), but I can't know or see everything, so I let go of any FOMO and carry on. I will post anything I've been wanting to share during the week on Mondays. Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport was an excellent resource in helping me decide how to manage my social media intake to help my time management, emotional health, availability for my family, and overall wellbeing. Anytime I use social media outside my Monday boundary, I always regret it because it is so easy to slip back into checking a few minutes there and a few minutes later and pretty soon, I am wasting too much time. This also means I intentionally do not stay up to date with what's going on in the world. I am often oblivious of what's happening in the world, but will eventually find out through word of mouth at some point for some things. I just mentally can't take in so much drama and devastation and though this may be seen as irresponsible or unfeeling, it is a guardrail I place in my life right now to shelter my often-exhausted mind from the outside world. 

9. Counseling 

Our church is blessed with a wonderful Christian counselor who has become a dear friend and mentor to me. For nearly nine years, I have been so encouraged by her wisdom, perceptive questions, and the ways she points me towards God for His guidance rather than telling me what I should do. I have met with her during different difficult seasons when I was feeling anxious or overwhelmed, whether with my job at the time or being a new (exhausted) mom. She has helped me set up boundaries (many of which have made it into this post), encourages me to communicate with my husband about what I need and how we can work together to both have our needs met, and overall really has been such a powerful reminder of God's provision and love for me. In the last year, the several times we met, we were able to schedule it when the church nursery was open so I dropped the kids off to play in a familiar space at church and walked down the hall to meet with this sweet woman. 

10. Limit too much external noise

We love listening to music in our home, but I try to keep background noise off for big chunks of the day. We only have a few battery-operated toys out at a time (the rest are in storage to be rotated other weeks) so that we don't have multiple toys that make sounds. The music that we have in the house is typically peaceful and enjoyable to me as well as the kids, like Christian music, folk songs, and classical music. This helps keep us from being overstimulated by too much noise, because kids themselves make enough noise already :) 

11. Self- Reflection and Communication

Although these boundaries and routines help avoid total burnout, it can still creep up. I try to keep tabs on my emotional well-being by noticing when I am getting irritable, when my breathing is harder to control, when I am craving silence even more than usual, when I am overstimulated and overwhelmed. I will sometimes journal about it so I can more clearly communicate it to my husband, but often times I process these emotions aloud with him. It is really helpful for him to know what's going on when I seem more sullen, quiet, and even cold. My natural instinct is to shut-down when overwhelmed, so I try to fight against that urge and let him know how he can help, what I need, and find ways to work through it. It's hard to hear from him when he has been hurt by my cold and distant attitude, but it is important since I often don't realize until he tells me how negative I am being around the family. This helps me do some self-reflection and make changes in our schedule along with praying through my difficult attitude and leaning heavily on God's strength. 

12. Regular date nights

Whether utilizing the YMCA's Parents Night Out or hiring our own babysitter from our church's nursery, we try to have at least 1-2 dates a month where my husband and I can enjoy each other with quality time and uninterrupted conversation. This is filling to my cup because we can have fun and be refreshed together, enjoying a restaurant we typically cannot go to with kids, going on a walk and just chatting, or doing other fun things together that are harder with kids. It's worth the cost of babysitting to have time to rest and enjoy each other routinely.

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"For years, while she is raising small children, her time is not her own, her own needs have to be put into second place, and every time she turns around some hand is reaching out demanding something. Years of this will mature most anyone.”  (Ronald Rolheiser, Domestic Monestary) 

Of course, motherhood is still exhausting, and there are seasons some of these fall to the wayside and I quickly realize how important they are because I start to feel overstimulated and mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. I try not to cling to these as a right that no one can take away from me, because that would lead to resentment when I am interrupted and will lead to me actually seeing my kids as the interruption. But it is still helpful to have boundaries in place that have helped me find balance in my life and work well for me to have enough energy and rest to do what I need to do in our home. I am praying that the intentional things I do to care for myself in a holistic and God-honoring way will help me, by His help, cultivate a home that is a safe, nourishing, nurturing "monastery" away from the craziness of the world. These children God has blessed me with are a way to push me back to Him over and over as I see my own inadequacies and cling to His perfection.

What do you do to recharge as a mom? I’d love to know below in the comments!