May 10, 2016

Marriage Q & A: Divorce-proof, eliminating wandering eyes, & what marriage teaches about Christ







A few weeks ago, I shared a post with Q & A with a panel of women who have each been married 10+ years (see HERE). They answered marriage questions that were compiled with survey results from 51 married women who have been married less than 10 years (more info on this survey HERE). I have been enjoying putting these Q&A posts together because I am learning a lot from these wise women! With only 7 months of marriage so far, I am on a lifelong journey of learning to be a loving and respectful wife to Greg and love gaining wisdom from wise women who are years ahead of me on that journey. Today, I am sharing another three marriage questions. 

What was the key to your long-lasting marriage in an age where so many people throw away their marriage instead of working on it?

"One of the keys for us has been not ever using the word divorce. After vowing to stay together until death parted us, we vowed to not even use the word divorce in a threat in any disagreement. We didn’t want to speak it out as viable option even if things got desperate. I’m grateful to report that we have never even wanted to make this threat to leave and I think part of the reason is because we trust one another to be in it for the long haul. This measure of security has provided a wonderful bedrock for us now fifteen years after our wedding day."
-- Melinda Mattson and Dirk have been married for 15 years. They have two daughters, Emerson (10) and Ainsley (7). Melinda blogs at www.melindamattson.com
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"Divorce was never an option to me. The Bible tells us that marriage is supposed to be forever, (Gen. 2:22-24, Matthew 19:4-6) so, I always felt any problems that came had to be worked on and solved. Marriage is not easy and takes a full commitment from both husband and wife. I think making sure you are always finding time for each other and communicating with each other are keys to a long-lasting marriage. But, above all other things, committing your lives and marriage to God will give you a basic foundation to build a marriage that will stand the test of time."
-- Betty and Ron Austin have been married 48 years and they have two grown children.
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"Time, commitment, and forgiveness. It is hard work- but what you put in, that is what comes out."
-- Carrie Prior has been married for 15+ years, have 3 daughters- a teen, an elementary student and a toddler. Visit her blog at www.everyseasonwoman.blogspot.com
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"We have seen so many couples divorce and break up, it's heartbreaking.   As a woman who's been married 20 years, been to marriage counseling five times over that span, and on several occasions wanted to give up, I can tell you it's not because they didn't start with loving each other. Somewhere along the way, hurt and resentment builds up. People try the only way they know how to stay connected, but many of us haven't had the role models in our homes of origins to be open, vulnerable, and emotionally connect with others. People end up leaving because they don't have hope that anything will change. They "find something better" because they want to escape the hurt/frustration they are feeling daily in their relationships. The answer is to find a counselor who deals with active listening and emotional connecting."  (Read her post on active listening HERE
-- Leighann Marquiss has been married 20 years. Visit her blog at www.leighannmarquiss.com

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How have you kept your heart solely on your husband?

My husband and I will have been married for 10 years this June, and although every marriage takes a lot of commitment and hard work, this is one that has been a strength for the both of us, therefore giving me confidence to speak to this topic. I think one of the best quotes I've heard on this topic, one that has always stuck with me, is this: "Your standard of beauty in the opposite sex should be your spouse." I'm not blind, I know other men, celebrities, etc. are good looking, but in my eyes, they do not compare to my husband. He is the best, most attractive man to me. I have no desire to see Magic Mike or anything similar because it would honestly make me feel pretty gross and make me feel like I am putting other men on a pedestal higher than my spouse. That is just my personal take on the matter.

I think an important scripture to keep in mind is Matthew 5:28 - "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." It’s not just an outside physical or emotional relationship that can get between you and your spouse, but if your eyes and heart are not in the right place, it can drive a big wedge between the two of you.

You fell in love for a reason. There was attraction and passion. Life happens. Not every day is full of that. But on the whole, you need to make sure that you remember your vows and why you pledged them in the first place. 
-- Christina Herr, married for 10 years this June. Visit her blog at www.laughterwithoutfear.com
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"I'm super careful what I watch and what I read and what I listen to.  I continue to be grateful for him even when I could wring his neck ... I ask God to make him enough in those seasons when I'm disappointed in him and myself.  He (God)  is always so very faithful.  Then when the season is over  things are even better and the love is deeper between Mathew and I and I'm so glad I held my tongue or didn't react or whatever the case may be.
-- Diane Turner has been married for 25 years. Visit her blog at www.mathewanddiane.blogspot.com.au
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"Pray for him. Everyday find at least one thing to be thankful for regarding him. Think about him. You fell in love with him, right?! Return to some of those moments with him. Resist thinking someone else will do better!"
-- Carrie Prior has been married for 15 + years, have 3 daughters- a teen, an elementary student and a toddler. Visit her blog at www.everyseasonwoman.blogspot.com
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What is one of the things marriage has taught you about your relationship with Christ?

"That my relationship with Christ is not defined by my marriage. Sometimes you and your spouse grow in your faith in different ways and at different times. My relationship with Christ is MY relationship with Christ. It is my responsibility to pursue that and invest in that." (Read her great post from 2013 on what she learned from 7 years of marriage HERE)
-- Christina Shoemaker has been married 10 years. She blogs at www.thewholecook.com

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"How patient and giving He is to me.  Over and over."
-- Diane Turner has been married for 25 years. Visit her blog at www.mathewanddiane.blogspot.com.au
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How would you answer one (or all) of these questions?  
Please share your thoughts below in the comments section!

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Catch up on more posts from In Every Season series HERE

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful post! I've been married for 30 years and divorce is not an option. I said it on the day he asked me to marry him and even through the hard times, it is not an option.

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Elle Alice